My game is not my game!?

“This is not a happy post!

Subject: FEAR! Patient: Me, you, us! Result: Fight or Run!

My psychologist is “the word”. Today I can say and write that I am scared. I am scared of snakes, yellow candles, jelly, lilies, smart tv, or other normal things…and also I am scared of myself. I have this thing is called … love. What should I do with it? What are you doing with your love? What is normal to do? What is the best you can do or be?

This love thing is cute and nice, sweet like chocolate, with colors and sun, rainbows, butterflies, thoughts, but a crazy mindfucker!

I don’t know if I am alone, but I think I am not. I want to be able to love, I want to be able to choose who I love, I want to say yes and don’t think about it after, I want to be more strong and less weak. I want to not smile like a stupid person now. I want to be mad and sad and all the bad thingssss. I want to be SuperSpiderWoman 🙂

I am sure SuperSpiderWoman has no fear and bullshit like I do, I am sure she is a bad ass, smart and brave, I hate her! And I know her! She is allll the way nice and BLA BLA, but the secret is that she also does run away…

So, what should I do with love? I can’t fallow my brain and my heart is long gone. So, what should I do? Fear is my enemy and a good friend also. Me, you, us can make the best team, but we don’t have time. So run…run can make me happy and smart, but fighting can make me and you and us to have the story of our lifes.

They  really play with me and you and us….every fucking single day!”

With love,



10 thoughts on “My game is not my game!?

  1. I’m a broken man. I remember the smell of her skin from the last time I touched her 4 years ago. I let her go and I am paranoid now. I know I will never love again. I know I will never hold a hand again. Never settle, never look into someone’s eyes and smile. Never sit across the table and and just look into those eyes, beaming, thinking how lucky I am. All I have is the memory of how we felt with her cheek next to mine. And her fragrance still lingers in my thoughts. It sounds poetic. But believe me its literal and all I wanna do is strip away all I have, run away and die.


    1. Ohhh…i read your words and i feel every word you write. Love is maybe to big for us in someways but we are ded without it. I hope one day you will write here: I am complete! She was the piece of my puzzle and I fund it! Pure love worth fighting! Kisses and thank you for the lesson! 🙂


      1. I’ve taken a vow of celebacy, and she cheathed on me, a lot. So I don’t really wanna fight for her. I’m happy she is happy and when she calls, I push her away. I’m really nasty to her, its for the better. All I want to say is that you’re not alone, even though it may seem like it sometimes. Try to be in sync with your environment and nothing will pull you down! 🙂 Cheers Love!


  2. Heavy, so heavy. Why weight, no I meant, what weight, or maybe, how much weight do I have to carry on my shoulder to live on this planet any way? Wow. I just had to get these thoughts out of my head. I am hardly this confused, nor can I remember a time when I would ruminate so. This is how I feel after reading your post, and listening to the You Tube song. I guess it’s a mess sometimes, but I swear you have a choice to change it. I believe: “Love is All There Is.” You need to know which affects you the most, and learn more about it. So you’ll know the next time. Oh yeah… Prepare to feel it again, ’cause it will come. Peace Be Still.


    1. There are times when you really can’t do anything, and maybe that is good. You learn love, you build love, not just get it. It is something worth fighting… friends love, parents love, partner love…
      And yes Jen “love is all there is” and counts, i will add. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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